Busy feet with narrowed vision to their goals. I often wonder what their stories are. Were did they come from? Why are they walking so fast? Who do they love? Who do they love. With beautiful love stories everywhere we look how can one not feel lonely. Where does that put me in the grand scheme of things? Has my heart come stone. Love doesn’t matter unless it’s the right time, the right feelings, the right people. Otherwise it’s just pain. Where does that put me? My house is burning down but I refuse to leave the comfort of my bed.
Why am I already nestled warmly under my sheets? I am in mourning of the relationships closest to me.
I was once the light in your hand now I am but the shadow that you leave in the mud.
I am an Oak tree, this must be Autumn. I wish I was a beautiful Pine. I wish I knew what to do to stop those closest to me from leaving.
It’s Valentines Day and I’m sick as a dog,
The only heart beats in sync are mine and the pulsing of the heater.
I had a boy once,
We all will have a boy once,
And then we will spend a Valentines Day sick as a dog,
And realize how lonely we we are yet how perfectly comfortable loneliness can be,
When you have a heater.
The ball dropped and so did my heart. I could feel my feet grow heavy as my body sank downwards. I pulled myself back up. I realized that a new year has started. Already. I have been wasting so much time wallowing in self pity. When you decided I wasn’t good enough. I believed you. I’ve been throwing a fit you know. My deep brown eyes are empty of their shimmer. No one calls me bubbly anymore. Why am I acting so cold and tough? No one approaches me. Just because you disowned me doesn’t mean I should disown myself. Where am I? It’s time I picked myself up off the floor and realized it’s a new year. Time to start fresh and be me. So here I am five days after New Years Eve and I feel more me than I’ve felt since you’ve left. Thank god.